This evening I re-watched Dark City, which must certainly be one of the finest films in science fiction history. The premise of the film is that a race of dying aliens that have the power to reconfigure matter through the power of will alone have abducted humans so as to find the secret of human immortality and escape their fate. To do this, they inject humans with new identities nightly, erasing all their previous identities, hoping to find that one element of the human being that remains invariant through all these changes (thus suggesting a process of “free variation” similar to Husserl’s methodology for discovering intentional essences). One of the curious features of these aliens is that they’re all named after general nouns, such as “Mr. Hand” or “Mr. Book” or “Mr. Quick”, thereby underlining their lack of singularity.

One of the unique features of my personal development is that I did not know my true name until I was 9 or 10 years of age. Prior to this age I knew myself as “Levi”, yet one day at school a teacher informed me that my name was, in fact, “Paul”, after my father. When I informed my sister of this after school, she was tremendously upset, argued with me vigorously, and insisted that this was my father’s name, not my name. Consequently, not only did I experience an erasure of what I had previously believed to be my name, but I also experienced myself as being named by an institution (the school) and as existing in a state of confusion between my father’s identity and my own identity and seeming to be personally hurt that I was not “Levi”. Years later, when I decided to re-assume the name of “Levi”, after using the name of “Paul” for many years, those about me reacted with a similar outrage (no doubt thinking me a bit mad), and I recently had an uncle strangely express admiration that I am using the name “Levi” professionally (why would this be admirable or impress him?). This odd relationship to the symbolic has reverberated ever since in my psychic structure in all sorts of odd and unexpected ways, as I palpably experienced myself as void or absent. For instance, sometimes I’ve thought to myself that if I ever had a child I would want to give him or her a name that they could do a lot with, generating a number of different nicknames and variations, and creating a free space in which the child might make their own name or name themselves out of variations on a name like “Elizabeth” (“Beth”, “Betsy”, “Ela”, “Liz”, “Lizzie”, “Liza”, etc.), not realizing until recently what desire the expression “make one’s own name” might indicate. Similarly, it’s not unlikely that my ambivalence towards publication has to do with this erasure, as it was an agent of the symbolic order (my teacher) who first stole my name, thereby rendering me forever suspicious of the symbolic order.

It seems to me that one of the most intimate and potent acts one can engage in with respect to another is the act of naming (especially common in love). I have only been named in this way on a few occasions, but each time I experienced it in an incredibly powerful way, which might just have to do with my odd psychic structure and my search for a name. Why is this act of naming so potent and singularizing? Is it an act of domination (owning another by naming them) or something else? Why is it that names serve such a central function with regard to the symbolic… A role that can be experienced as so deeply traumatic when losing a name?