I’m terrible at it, I really am. I experience a lot of guilt about it as well. I find it exceedingly difficult to respond to it. This is not for lack of caring or being interested. I think, rather, it’s because I feel frozen, paralyzed, by the missives that are sent my way. So often I feel unequal to the questions that are posed to me. I don’t have the answers. I’m not sure how to respond. Words fall flat. At other times the letters people send me sound so much more intelligent than anything I have to say. I grope, I struggle to think things. Sometimes I manage to think something, but much of the time I feel as if I’m caught in repetitive loops, working through the same thoughts over and over again for years on end, only occasionally encountering a bifurcation point where one sequence of repetition ceases and another begins. How can I respond? I don’t know. You all sound so smart, like you have things figured out. What do my words have to offer? Ratification or support perhaps? I’m sorry about the silence with which I sometimes respond. I am trying to get better about it. I hope it’s understood that it doesn’t arise out of indifference but rather out of a sort of horror of not knowing what to say or how to respond.
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